Chicago Blues
“You have no choice in the matter, Chicago. You have loyal fans who constantly email you about coming; your tour has to end there. It’s your name for heaven’s sake, and besides, you owe it to your fans. They love you out there.”
I sat in my office, rolling my eyes. I had just finished a show in Atlanta, which was a huge success because of my loyal fans. I hadn’t done a concert in four years, but was still remembered.
“Why are you so adamant about not going back to Chicago?”
I focused on my agent. “There are too many bad memories there,” said Chicago. “Just trust me on this one. I can finish up my tour in Las Vegas or New York.”
“It’s out of the question.”
“Ward, I’m not going back to Chicago and that’s it!” Who the hell did he think he was? Okay, he had made me more money than I thought possible, but this was ridiculous.
“I love you and want the best for you,” Ward said, “and Chicago is the best.”
“I just can’t go back there,” I cried, “I love you Ward, but I have a painful past there.”
“Remy has moved on with his life, Chicago. I know the history you had with the man and the reason you hadn’t been singing for five years. I can’t believe you allowed this man to dictate your life so. He’s married with children, and here you are ruining your life because of him. He was jealous of your career, did nothing to encourage or assist you, and you would still give him the time of day. The guy isn’t worth a grain of salt.”
A part of me was angry that he was talking about the man I still loved. I was still dealing with the shock of my ex being married with children. I married as well, but it didn’t work out. At the time, I thought Gates, my manager at the time, was the man for me, but was rudely awakened when I found out he only married me for my money; clueless we were, he and I.
My success as a performer would never warrant me finding the man of my dreams. Having adapted this new attitude, I decided never to marry again. I was going to sing my heart out and hope that people would enjoy what I had to give. And from the looks of it, I was right. I was a star. I mean, who really needed a man? I didn’t, and those were the facts.
“I booked a Tuesday afternoon flight for you,” Ward said. “The concert is scheduled on Thursday at The Cloud of Blues and, so far, you’ve sold out; we’re trying to get additional shows. Lance from The Cloud of Blues called me three times to give me the good news.
I smiled at the thought. There was nothing like performing in front of a crowd. I had the body and the voice, I thanked God for my voice - it was the only thing I could depend on.
“It’s Sunday, Gates, why are you just telling me this?”
“It’s the last stop on your tour, Chicago,” he said looking at me inquisitively,
“What has this man got over you?”
“I don’t wish to discuss Remy with you,” I snapped. “How dare you butt into my affairs?”
“I’m your agent, and it’s my business to be in your business. What’s wrong with you?
I told you not to marry that manager of yours, but did you listen to me? Of course not, you married the man, and it lasted all of one year.”
“How long are you going to ridicule me? For the rest of my life? Humans make mistakes. I make mistakes. I remember telling you not to marry Elizabeth, but you did, and that bitch almost killed you. You were so taken with her, as if she was the only womanly body on earth. You men can be so dense,” I spat.
“Okay, I made the biggest mistake of my life with Elizabeth, okay; I let my penis get in the way of common sense that time, Chicago, it has been known to happen, but, I’m over that now. I’m dating Charlotte; she loves me for who I am, and I love her for who she is. I can trust her. We trust each other.”
“Tsk,” I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes at that one.
I could hardly believe that he had settled down with Charlotte Moore, a professor at some local University. Charlotte Moore. She was thirty-five years old, beautiful, and a size 16. When I first met her two years ago, I thought I was seeing things. Ward was this gorgeous black man, easily a stud. Charlotte, on the other hand, didn’t fit the typical criteria. Ward was forty-five years old now; perhaps he was realizing that size or color didn’t matter.
“Are you and Charlotte going to tie the knot? You have been dating the woman for two years now,” I asked teasingly and rather slyly, I must admit.
“As a matter of fact, I’m going to propose to her when we go out to dinner. Are you ready to go?”
I was stunned. “Are you sure about this, Ward? Charlotte is no pushover, and I like her, but if you’re not in love with her, then you need to be straight with her.” Was he serious?
“When I look at Charlotte, Chicago, I see the most beautiful woman in the world,” he said. “I love her, and I want to spend my life with her.” He paused, “go home and take a nap, then get dressed up for our last night in Atlanta, I’m going to rent out the restaurant and bar, and we’re going to have a good time.”
I was exhausted and wanted to get some sleep. “I could use a nap,” I yawned.
“So take one; you deserve it,” Ward said. “You had the men panting all over themselves and the women wishing they could be you. You really have it going on; I’m proud to have you as one of my clients.”
I laughed at Ward. “You have twenty clients, and most of them are more famous than I.”
“So true,” Ward consented, “but you’re my favorite client,” he said.
There was an awkward silence.
“Uh, I’m not giving you a raise, so stop with the flattery.” I smiled at him as I stood up.
“I love you,” Ward said, “and I want the best for you.”
“I know, Ward. “I’ll see you tonight, and I wish you and Charlotte the best.”
Ward laughed. “I’m a very lucky man.”
I embraced my agent, and best friend, and then left his office. I was going to get into the limousine and go back to my hotel. ‘Hopefully I’ll be able to get some rest,’ I thought. So, I was headed back to Chicago, my hometown and a paradise of pain. I thought I’d never see that place again, but, never say never, of course. What the hell was I going to do?
Back at the hotel, I tried sleeping, but ended up just staring at the ceiling. I couldn’t stop thinking about Remy Land. He was the apple of my eye and my prince charming all wrapped in one neat little package, or at least I thought he was once. How could I have been so wrong about someone? I thought Remy loved me and for whatever it was worth, I was still in love with him.
I met Remy when I was auditioning for a small restaurant on the north side of Chicago--Lemon’s Place. The owner, Jerry Lemon liked my face, body, and especially my voice. Lemon’s was where my singing dreams began to come true. I was performing there every Tuesday night, and the place began to fill up. Things were going so well, that Jerry added two additional performance nights; Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday nights were mine.
One particular night, while performing at Lemon’s, Remy Land walked into the place. He was a medical student, black, handsome, and charming. I was singing a ballad by Whitney Houston when he sat down, and almost lost my voice and the words. I made it through the performance, and after a standing ovation, Mr. Land made his presence known.
I was sitting at the bar taking a break, when he sat down next to me. I would never forget our conversation.
“So, you have a voice to go with that body of yours,” he said.
I stared at the alluring stranger. “Do I know you?”
“Not yet, but I’m going to rock your world,” he said.
“I think you have me mixed up with one of your bimbos,” I snapped.
“Ouch!” he said. “You’ve got me there.”
“Will you please leave?” I asked, “I’m sure you have something better to do than harass a poor, helpless female.”
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he said. “What’s your name?”
I was lost in his gray eyes. “Chicago Blues.”
He laughed. “Don’t play games with me, girl.”
“And don’t play with me,” I snapped. “Who do you think you are?”
“The name is Remy Land, thank you very much.”
“If you don’t leave me alone, I’ll have you thrown out of the club,” I said.
He looked at me from head to toe. “I don’t think so,” he laughed. “What size are you? I’d say you’re a size 6 at the most.”
He was right about my size. “Just leave me alone.”
“How about getting something to eat at a private table?” Remy said. “You’re someone I want to get to know.”
The nerve of this man. “What line of work are you in?”
“I’m in medical school,” he said, “a doctor.”
“You aren’t one yet, Mr. Land. Shouldn’t you be at home picking up a book instead of harassing me? I’m going to finish my break, and then I have another set.”
“What about singing ‘The Closer I Get to You?’ Remy said. “It’s one of my favorites.”
He really does have a lot of nerve.
“You remind me of Toni Braxton, but without her curves. Let me cook for you and I’ll put some meat on those bones of yours.”
I laughed, drawing attention to myself. “Are you insane?”
“I don’t think so,” he said. “Why?”
“Women would die to be my size.”
“They will die - from starvation,” he laughed. “I can deal with your size, but you just need to put more meat on your bones. I like you just the way you are, but a little meat won’t hurt you.”
I shook my head, reaching for my diet soda. “I think you’re on weed or something.”
“I don’t have the time to smoke pot,” he said. “I need all my brain cells. It’s not easy being a medical student.”
“Then what are you doing here?”
“I have a week without books, and I’m going to enjoy it, but right now I’m starving. Can we please get something to eat? I’m not going to hurt you. And while you are at it, why don’t you tell me your real name?”
“I guess you missed my introduction,” I snapped. “My name is Chicago Blues.”
He laughed again. “I’m sorry, you’re not laughing.”
“I’m about to swat you over the head with my purse,” I snapped.
“The woman has a temper,” he laughed. “Are you really called Chicago Blues?”
“My mother loved this city so much that she named me after it.”
“I like it,” he said.
I smiled at the man. “Is gray the true color of your eyes?”
“I have in contact lenses,” he said.
“I see,” I said.
“They help me to see better,” he said. “My eyes aren’t the most reliable.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said.
“It’s okay,” he laughed. “Let’s not get on the pity wagon.”
“Let’s get you something to eat so I can get back to my business. Where is your girlfriend?”
“I just broke up with someone about six months ago,” he confessed. “She couldn’t wait for a doctor. I wasn’t giving her any loving, so she found someone else to do it for her--my best friend in this case. I’m a man without a woman and a best friend.”
“But you’re trying to pick me up,” I laughed.
“As my new friend,” he said. “I feel that I might be able to trust you. I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m in school and that’s where I spend most of my time, but when the stress gets to me, I need someone to talk to.”
I was stunned. “I think I can be your friend. Now let’s go feed our faces.”
“I think you can too,” he said, smiling. There was something about that leisurely smile.
Remy and I became fast friends, and when he wasn’t studying, or I wasn’t helping him study, we were spending time together. We went to the movies, the lake, the park, and anywhere else we could go in Chicago. Sometimes, we’d stay at his house, at others times he would stay at mine.
One day, we were sitting in my one bedroom apartment. Remy was in the living room studying, and I was listening to new material to sing at the club, when Remy looked up from his medical book. “Do you know Lois Green?”
“Personally? Of course not,” I cried. “But, she is my favorite singer,” I oozed. I have all of her CD’s.”
“Let me see them,” he said.
I ran into my bedroom and grabbed all five of Lois’s CD’s. “Here they are,” I tweeted. “I’d give my right arm to meet her. I’m a huge fan of hers; I email her all the time. I know she’s not going to email me back, but it’s nice knowing that she reads them. She’s such an inspiration.”
Remy was staring at me as if I committed a crime or something. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m going to tell you something, and you can’t tell a living soul.”
“Don’t tell me; you’re married with five children?” I said. “I just don’t want to hear this shit right now, Remy. You need to leave.”
Remy laughed. “It’s nothing like that. Lois is my sister.”
I was stunned. “Say what?”
“She’s my sister,” he said. I was speechless.
“Are you going to say something?”
“I don’t know what to say. How is she your sister?”
“She’s my blood sister,” he said. “I don’t go around talking about it, because suddenly everybody I know will surface. We just keep it on the down low. We don’t want the media in our business. You can’t tell anyone about this.”
“Can I meet her?”
“You can when she comes to Chicago next week. I told her about you and she told me to bring you along. Her agent was in the audience and he loved your voice. You’re going places, Chicago.”
I heard his words and then I fainted.
It was ten minutes later when I opened my eyes. Remy was staring down at me. “Are you okay? You scared the life out of me.”
I sat up, staring at him. “What happened?”
“You fainted. Are you pregnant?”
“What? Of course not, get away from me” I snapped. “Why did I faint?”
“I told you about my sister.”
I remembered. “I can’t believe I’m going to meet Lois Green.”
“She wants you to get a recording together of five of your favorite songs. They have to be a mixture – gospel, ballad, rap, disco, and country. She wants to hear your voice through the different styles. You, my friend, are a star in the making.”
“Are you kidding? You aren’t kidding are you?”
“We’re going to meet Lois in three days. Are you going to be ready?”
“I’ll be in my bedroom recording, Remy. I love you so much, thank you for doing this. Is there anything I can do for you?” I cried. “I love you so much.”
He smiled. “Do you love me, really? What I can do for you?”
I punched him in the arm. “I love you as my friend.”
“And I want you,” he said. “I thought I could just be your friend, but your body is calling me,” he said. “I’m so hard I thought I was going to have an accident in front of you.”
I stared at the front of his pants. “You’re definitely hard, old friend.”
“Will you make love with me?”
“I have never been asked before,” I replied.
“I love you so much, Chicago. It’s been two years of friendship for us, and now it’s time to take our friendship to the next level. I know that I can trust you and that you will be there for me. Medical school is getting harder, but you keep me going.
“I’ll be there for you,” I said. “I love you.”
When he took me into his arms, firecrackers lit up my body. His touch was memorizing my senses. Our eyes met for a balance and then our lips met. It began as a first kiss between friends, but when our tongues began to mate, the kiss of friendship turned to a kiss of love and affection. I put my arms around Remy, and kissed him as I had never kissed any man. We made love with our tongues, and decided to absolve ourselves of torture as we undressed one another, devouring each other’s bodies with our eyes. As I reached for his manhood with my hand, I reveled at the moans of relief that escaped his lips when I stroked his penis, working it until his seed exploded on my hands and body. The sight of it made me even wetter as I washed my hands with it, and rubbed it all over Remy’s body. I loved making love with my man.
Remy held out his hand to me, looking into my eyes, as I placed my hand in his, letting him lead me into the bedroom. He gently laid me on the bed, never breaking our passionate gaze, as he stood and consumed my body with his eyes, letting them rest on the slickness between my thighs. He gently licked his lips and pulled me to the edge of the bed as he knelt in front of me, his tongue working my body into an ardent frenzy.
My body did somersaults as Remy entered my body, his manhood rocking inside of me, giving me more pleasure than I thought I’d ever experience in this lifetime, coaxing me to scream out as my body rocked with a mind-blowing orgasm. I was in another world.
Remy shouted out his pleasure as he thrusted and pumped his hot iron, then exploded inside of me. Our friendship had just turned to love; I was the luckiest woman in the world. I was in love with Remy Land, and he was in love with me, Chicago Blues. What more could a woman ask for?
Finally, when our bodies couldn’t take another minute, we showered and then slept in each other arms. I couldn’t go to sleep right away, I just watched Remy as he slept, as if he would disappear into the night making this all a dream. I touched his body just to make sure he was alive and well. My man was alive. Lost in thought, it was hours before I finally fell asleep in his arms.
Ж Ж Ж
Remy and I met Lois at her hotel room the following week, and I fainted again at the sight of her. I could kick myself for such a spoiled first impression. Lois was tall, and beautiful with a short haircut and a gorgeous size 2 body. She embraced me and we became fast friends. The three of us spent the entire day together having a ball. Lois wasn’t as the media pegged her to be; she was gifted, and extremely down to earth. She loved her self completely, and her fans loved her, too.
The moment of my life happened at The Cloud of Blues where celebrities came to Chicago to sing their hearts out. Lois had a sold out show and we had front row seats. I always knew I would perform here one day, but when she brought me on stage to sing one of her songs, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. When I finished I got a standing ovation, and Lois was in center stage applauding me.
“This is your next singing sensation,” Lois said.
The tears ran down my face; to say that I was overjoyed would have been an understatement.
After Lois returned to Los Angeles, Remy and I became engaged and I continued to sing at the club and assist Remy with his medical studies. At times, stress seemed to get the best of him, but I managed to keep up with his hectic pace. And with much encouragement, we both made it through his first year of medical school. Love wasn’t the word, it was total belief in his abilities and absolute commitment that made us work. While it was true that I missed a few singing engagements because of my commitment to Remy, I had no intention of abandoning my career. Lemon was heavy on my case at the time, and threatened to fire me if I missed another spot. As I said, it wasn’t my intention; it was just the way things panned out.
The climax of our relationship came on a Tuesday in July. That night I had to sing my heart out because an important agent to the stars was going to be in the audience. Lois told him about me, and he wanted to hear my voice. Remy had an important terminology test that night and expected me to cancel my spot to help him study. Well, I knew he wasn’t feeling very confident and proceeded to reassure him. We had done plenty of preparation; I knew he could do it.
“Baby, I have to go. Your sister set this up for me and I’m not going to disappoint her or myself,” I coaxed. “How do I look?” I asked, with a turn and glamour pose. “What do you think about the dress?” It was a gorgeous blue, and well accessorized, I thought.
“You look like a slut,” he said.
I turned. “What did you just say to me?”
“You look like a fucking whore,” he said. “Every man and some women will be looking at your body, and won’t give a damn about your voice. I really need you to be here with me tonight. The agent will come back, but if I don’t pass this test, my dreams are cooked.”
I thought I was dreaming.
“I love you, Remy, but I’m going to the club tonight. I need to do something for myself. I cater to your every whim, and now it’s time that you cater to me. Why don’t you come with me and give me some support? This is the opportunity of a lifetime. Ward Barnes is going to be there, and he only represents the hottest of celebrities. I want him as my agent.”
“You need to get a regular job,” he snapped.
“What?” ‘I must be dreaming.’ I couldn’t believe his words.
“If you leave me here, and I fail my test, I’m never going to forgive you,” he snapped.
I stared at the hatred on his face. “I hate you for this…I’m sorry, but I’m going to perform.”
“Then don’t bother coming back.”
“Whatever!” I grabbed my purse and car keys, and stormed out of the apartment without locking it. I waited five minutes in the car thinking that Remy was going to come to his senses, but he never came out. I started the ignition and managed to mingle into traffic without falling apart. Remy was being a selfish bastard, but no one was going to ruin this for me.
I performed my heart out at The Cloud of Blues that night. The crowd seemed to be impressed and appeared to be having a good time. I had never been as nervous as I was singing to Mr. Barnes, who also appeared to be having a great time.
After about two hours I hurried to my dressing room. I was glad this was over. I thought Remy would come to his senses and surprise me, but he didn’t show up. I grabbed my cell phone, and there weren’t any messages. I finally lost my battle with the tears and they fell.
A knock sounded on my door, and I quickly wiped my eyes. Maybe it was Remy coming to his senses. I ran to the door and opened it, expecting to see Remy instead of the surprise visitor I received. “Uh, hello!”
“I can see you were expecting someone else,” he said.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Barnes. Please come in.”
He walked in and took a seat.
“Can I get you a bottle of water?” I asked.
“No thank you,” he said. “Let’s get right down to business. “Lois is a huge fan of yours; she loves your sound, and I understand why.” He peered around the dressing room a bit.
“I love your name,” he said, “I don’t know a woman with the name of Chicago. When can you get to New York City?”
I was speechless.
“Do you have a copy of the demo you gave to Lois?”
“I made about five copies,” I cried.
“Wonderful. Give me two and a number where you can be reached.”
“Okay,” I cried.
“I know this may be a bit overwhelming, but I’m going to make a star out of you, American Idol just isn’t good enough for you.”
I felt the tears forming. “When do you need me in New York?”
“In a week or two, so prepare for it. Can I have the copies? I have another engagement. Here’s a contract for you, and a folder of my bio, history and accomplishments. If you have any questions, call me at this private number. Strangely enough, as he was leaving, he tossed a few choice words over his shoulder.
“I hope you don’t have a man in your life, because he isn’t going to see you for a very long time.”
I thought about Remy and frowned. What was I going to do?
My career was taking off, but my personal life was on the rocks. I thought Remy would call to apologize, but weeks turned into months, he never once rang my phone. I knew our relationship was over. I heard through the grapevine that Remy was dating one of those model types.
I wept for days about Remy. His dismissal was cold, and he never once looked back. My engagement was over; I threw the ring into the bottom of a drawer and moved to New York City. It was Remy’s loss.
ж ж ж
Presently, Chicago was not where I wanted to be. It is true that I had family and plenty of friends there, but Remy Land was the only thing on my mind. What was he doing with his life? Did he complete his studies? I always believed he would make a fantastic physician. Menacingly, I also wondered who he married and if he was happy.
I reached for my cell phone and dialed Lois’ private number. I had to find out if Remy was going to be in Chicago. I couldn’t be in the same city with the man who betrayed me in the worst way possible.
“Hello, this is Lois.”
“Hi.”
“Hello, Chicago, how are you? I’m so surprised to hear from you.”
“How is everything with you?”
“It’s getting better every day,” she said. “I was going to call you.”
“Why?”
“I’m working on my new CD, and I want to do a couple of duets with you.”
I was both shocked and delighted. “Are you serious?”
“I have the perfect songs for us. I devoted a week to nothing but writing, and I came away with twenty or thirty songs. I think three of them would be perfect for your voice. What do you say?”
“Of course!” I said. I was hoping she had some news about Remy.
“Great. Where are you now?”
“I’m in Atlanta.”
“All right, I’m in New York,” Lois said. “Where is your final tour stop?”
“Actually, I’ll be back in Chicago.”
“Of course,” Lois laughed, “It’s your name for heaven sakes.”
I smiled. “I’m doing The Cloud of Blues.”
“Oh, I’ve got to be there, Chicago! Tell me when?”
“Tuesday or Wednesday night - I’ll have to double check my appointment book.”
“Find out, so I can fly to Chicago. I have to see you since you’re a celebrity now.”
I laughed. “I’m still just little ol’ Chicago Blues.”
“I don’t think so, girl. Imagine you coming to my concert so many years ago, and now I’m coming to yours. I’m so proud of you! And please, make sure I’m in the front row,” she sassed. “I want you to reserve the front row.”
“I’ll do it,” I agreed. “Thanks for talking to me.”
“I love you, why wouldn’t I?”
“Since Remy and I didn’t work out.”
“That’s another story,” Lois said, but I have to go. “I’ll see you soon.”
I was disappointed about not getting any news on Remy. “Thanks, and I love you.”
“I love you, girl.”
The tears fell as I turned off my cell phone. Obviously Remy had moved on with his life, and I guess it was time for me to do the same. I was going to fly into O’Hara and stay at a nearby hotel. I decided against being around town; no point in running the chance of running into Remy, no matter how slim that chance might be. I would go to the club and then back to the hotel. I would handle this situation and then get some much needed rest, work on my twelfth CD and get some reading done. ‘Good. It’s settled.’ However, it was hours before I fell asleep dreaming about Remy.
Ж Ж Ж
The Cloud of Blues hadn’t changed a bit; walking around the place brought back so many memories. The rehearsal with my back-up singers, Lacy and June, and my dancers, Helen and Macy, was over. I was performing tonight, in my own right this time, for a sold out crowd. I had my first real taste of stardom here and I was blessed. I made a large donation to keep this club forever in Chicago.
Finally it was my time to shine. I heard my name, the curtains opened, and I moved center stage as I heard my cue. The crowd went wild. I looked down and reached out for Lois who embraced me.
“Lois Green, everyone.”
The crowd went wild again. I brought her on stage and sat her down, and I began singing one of my favorite songs. I got into the groove and Helen and Macy joined us as we danced the night away. Everyone was screaming, and the men were whistling their hearts out. As Lois took her seat in the audience, I was grateful for the chance she had given me on this same stage all those years ago.
My next song was a love ballad that someone wrote for me; it reminded me of Remy. Unable to keep the tears at bay, I surrendered to the melody and poured myself into the song. Lois knew I needed rescuing so she came onto stage and we performed another hit of mine, as the crowd went wild again. I changed fashions about ten times, and I sang ten of my favorite songs.
Near the end of the concert, I danced with a few lucky fans who thought they had died and gone to heaven. And finally, decided to field a few questions from the audience. I let my back-up singers and dancers assist me.
“Are you married?” a man asked.
“No, I’m single,” I replied.
“But you were married once?” a woman asked.
“I was, but I’m divorced,” I said.
“He was a fool,” the man said.
I smiled.
“Are you making all your dreams come true?” a gentleman asked.
“I’m very blessed,” I said.
“When is your next tour?” a woman asked.
“I have to ask my agent about that,” I said. “This is my last one for a while; I wanted to come back to Chicago to honor my birth place.”
“Where did you get your name?” a woman asked.
“My mother loved the windy city,” I replied. “I know she’s proud of me in heaven.”
“Don’t you want children?” a woman asked.
“I’d love a daughter or son, and a husband,” I said. “Marriage and the picket fence aren’t for everyone.”
“Do you write your own songs?” a woman asked.
“I don’t have that talent,” I said. “I work with very talented writers.”
“Are you going to work with Lois?” a woman asked.
“We’re going to do a couple of duets on her next CD,” I answered. I smiled at Lois, who winked at me.
“How did you get into singing?” a woman asked. “I’m trying to get on American Idol.”
“I began singing at Lemon’s Place and an agent came to see me. The rest is history as they say. Ward is a talented and wonderful agent, and I love him. He has kept me on track, and has managed to guide my singing career successfully. I appreciate him dearly.”
“Have you met other celebrities other than Lois?” a man asked.
“I have,” I said. I named about five and the crowd went wild.
“Did you ever love me?” the voice asked.
My heart stopped beating for a second as I searched out the voice. It couldn’t be him. “Who spoke those words?”
There was no response.
“Who spoke those words?” I urged.
“I did,” a man said.
“Come to the front, please.” I was struggling to keep my composure, but as the man walked his way to the front, I felt myself growing faint as he walked into the light. Tears were beginning to cloud my vision, and as I blinked and reopened my eyes, it was him - still handsome, and a bit older, his gray eyes melting my heart into tiny little pieces.
“Hi,” Remy said. “You look great, and your voice is perfect. It’s just like an angel.”
I was looking at him, words beyond my grasp.
“Man, kiss her,” another man said.
Movement escaped me, and then, I fainted. The diva in me just couldn’t help it, I suppose.
When I came to, I was staring at the ceiling in my dressing room. I’d had the wildest dream and Remy was in it. I sat up, head still spinning, and noticed those gray eyes searching me from across the room. ‘It wasn’t a dream, was it? I did the show, and answered questions when…when he…he…’
“Are you all right?” he asked. “The crowd went wild when you fainted.”
“Where is Lois?”
“She’s in the other room, returning a few phone calls. I had to come and see you.”
I sat up. “You should leave, Remy. I have nothing to say to you.”
“I know the way I left things was a mess, and I’m here to apologize for that. I was jealous of you and angry with myself. I was failing medical school, and I wanted you to fail with me. But, I still love you, Chicago; that hasn’t changed.”
“I don’t want to hear this!” I screamed, scrambling off of the bed.
“I’m not married, nor do I have any children,” he said. “You’re the only woman for me.”
“Get the hell out, Remy!” I shouted again, a deluge ruining my mascara.
“I took a semester off to get my head on straight. I had to make sure that being a doctor was what I really wanted, and while on break, I found it was the right choice for me, Chicago. “You’re talking to Remy Land, M.D.”
I flew into his arms, and it felt so good that I began to feel that familiar fire between my thighs as I inhaled his scent. “I knew you could do it, baby. I’m so proud of you.” ‘My God,’ I thought. ‘He smells wonderful.’ It took me a moment to remember where I was and slowly, reluctantly, I regrouped, I moved away from him.
“Remy, you don’t get to just walk back into my life after how things ended between us. I’m happy for you, but that doesn’t change the way I feel. I supported you when you needed me to, and when I needed you, you abandoned me. If it wasn’t for my agent, I’d have died.”
“But you married your manager,” Remy cried.
“Yes, I did.”
“I didn’t marry anyone,” he confessed. “I never got that close to anyone. I spent my time studying.”
“If you are quite finished, Dr. Land, please leave. I have nothing more to say to you.”
“I never stopped loving you, Chicago.” “I’m willing to spend a lifetime making it up to you. Do you hear me? I love you Chicago.”
Folding my arms, I let the words roll out carefully. “Love is not enough, doctor. I’m sorry.”
“Listen to me - I’m sorry,” he said. “I never stopped thinking about you. I picked up my cell phone to call you so many times, but I knew it was wrong. You kept me going when I needed you most. I was selfish. I will always love you.”
By this time, my tears were mixed with my anger, confusing me. I turned away from Remy. ‘This is too much to handle right now’.
“You cannot do this! Get out, Remy!” I screamed.
Bawling, I crumbled to the floor and cried out as I heard the door close behind him. He would always be the love of my life, but there was no guarantee that he could love me unconditionally. It was a chance I couldn’t take — no matter how much I loved him. I remembered how crushed I was and the hate in his eyes. I remembered as if was yesterday. I couldn’t survive another of those surprise appearances. I just couldn’t.
“Are you stupid, girl?”
I turned toward the voice, staring at Lois through blurred vision. “Oh, Lois, I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Go after, Remy. He loves you.”
“Our relationship was over when he dismissed me without a second glance - no call, no show.”
“My brother is stupid, but he loves you, girl. It is true; men can be dense as hell. For me, my man is my career. I have sex, but getting involved, for me, is out of the question. I’m happy and I’m in love with my freedom, but you, on the other hand - why, just look at yourself and the mess you’re in. Honey, a blind man can see you are still in love with that man, you’re a train wreck. What are you doing?”
“I’m going to have dinner with my family and go back to New York City in the morning,” I snapped. “I have my career and it’s all I need.”
“You need the love of a good man, Chicago, and Remy is the one. He has been saving himself for you, you know.”
“I can’t deal with a weak man.”
“My brother is a doctor,” Lois snapped. “He’s a man in every sense of the word.”
“Well, I’m glad for him!” I snapped. “Are you going to change the subject or leave?”
“What I’m going to do is nag you until you come to your senses and go after that man.”
“No!” I shouted. “He doesn’t get to do this! Our relationship ended when he neglected me in my time of need. How can I depend on a man like that?”
“Med school was stressful on him.” I looked at her as if she was betraying me. “I’m not making excuses,” she said. “I almost beat his ass for mistreating you, but the stress had him mind, body and soul, he just couldn’t see the writing on the wall. Honey, he does love you.”
“How long are we going to keep this going? My family wants to meet you.”
Lois decided to let it lie for the moment. “Let’s go,” she said.
Ж Ж Ж
My family rented a private room at a chic new restaurant and we were enjoying our time together. It wasn’t often that I got to spend time with the people who loved me unconditionally; it was a wonderful evening. Soft ballads were playing, and when “The Closer I Get to You” played, I thought I was going to puke. I took a long sip of my wine and refilled my glass as I watched my sister and her husband take each others’ hand, and make their way to the dance floor, making the most of their time alone - they had three little ones at home. Swaying gently to the music, they whispered sweet nothings into each other’s ears and looked so in love. Lois, who appreciated the mood, accepted an invitation from my father to dance, and I observed the four of them with a longing smile. My success had afforded me the opportunity to make life a little easier for my family. I was proud of that. However, at times, I did wish I had someone to share my happiness with – to share my life with. My family seemed so happy.
“May I have this dance?”
I startled at the sound of his voice. And as he held out his hand, I decided to take it, as I put my hand in his, getting lost in those familiar gray eyes. I relaxed in his embrace, closing my eyes; I had waited so long for him to come for me. The tears stung my eyes as they made their way down my cheeks, somehow igniting a sudden heat that had lain dormant all of these years. I leaned on Remy’s shoulder as the song took over us, and suddenly, we were all alone.
“I love you so much,” he said.
“I love you too,” I said, hoping he would return my love this time around.
Our lips met as we danced the night away. Lois made sure the song repeated itself, and Remy and I continued our dance in our own space and time, sharing each other.
'Imagine if I had never come,’ I thought. ‘Look what I would have missed: being back in the arms of the only man I have ever loved, and singing my heart out to a melody all my own - the Chicago Blues.’
